Attachment style — how does it affect your relationships?

What is attachment style?

Attachment style is a pattern of emotional responding in close relationships, shaped in childhood by the relationship with caregivers. Attachment theory, founded by John Bowlby and developed by Mary Ainsworth, is one of the best-researched models in relationship psychology.

Bartholomew and Horowitz (1991) identified 4 adult attachment styles, based on two dimensions: the image of the self (positive vs negative) and the image of others (positive vs negative).

4 attachment styles

1. Secure style

Positive self-image + positive image of others. People with this style are comfortable with closeness, trust their partners and can strike a healthy balance between dependence and autonomy. This is the "gold standard" — about 50–60% of the population.

2. Anxious-ambivalent (preoccupied) style

Negative self-image + positive image of others. They long for closeness but fear rejection. They need constant reassurance and stay alert to signs of abandonment. About 15–20% of the population.

3. Dismissive-avoidant style

Positive self-image + negative image of others. They value independence over closeness. They avoid emotional dependence and can seem cold or unavailable. About 20–25% of the population.

4. Fearful-avoidant (disorganised) style

Negative self-image + negative image of others. They long for closeness and fear it at the same time. Their relationships feel like an emotional rollercoaster. About 5–10% of the population.

Can you change your attachment style?

Yes — attachment style is not a trait set in stone. Change takes time and conscious work (most often in therapy), but it is possible. Key factors:

• A secure relationship — a partnership with someone who has a secure style can "teach" security
• Therapy — especially schema therapy and emotionally focused therapy (EFT)
• Self-awareness — simply recognising your own style is the first step

Take the free Attachment Style Test at PsychoProfil.pl — 20 questions, 4 dimensions, instant interpretation.